It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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