it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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