I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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