i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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