I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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