singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
