i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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