I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
