So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
