Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
