I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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