Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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