Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
