and you said cock pushups were impossible
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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