can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
