A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
