Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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