woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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