i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
