need another drink. this is the easiest way
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
