dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
