Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize