im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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