its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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