Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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