this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My life is pants optional.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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