I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
