i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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