...so i touched it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
