I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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