I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize