White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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