Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sext me about skeletons
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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