All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
