She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
