i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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