You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
