My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
