We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I did not marry a roomba.
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