Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
