well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
