U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
