yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
