It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
