Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
