After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
