I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
