Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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