Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
