i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize