4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
