I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
