Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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