Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
not ubering you a puppy
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