I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
