i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
third nipple confirmed
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
