PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
