I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize