Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
