how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
