I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
