TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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