Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
