Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
