I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The air was thick with penises
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
