is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
