I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
