adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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