I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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