Yo dont text me then not text me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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