Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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