don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
