Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
