Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
