R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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