We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
