No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
