"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
