The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
