Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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