he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize