my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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