Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
