I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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