You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
