So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
