she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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