Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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