He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You're so nebulous sometimes
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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