i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize