you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
that is very illegal...i love you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
