but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
