its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
