a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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