am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
