i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
