Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
