My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
