I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
