so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A+ Viking dick
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
