The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize