Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
