What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
