Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
