Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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