with your own penis?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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