Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I want is dick and wine.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
