Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
