he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
