thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
