she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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