how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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