My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
