I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
