I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize