i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
